I’m sure it happens to all of us.
But this feels more than a creative block, it’s like trapped energy. I can feel it deep within and all around me, and I just can’t connect.
I struggle to find that flow.
It’s knowing the power is there. I’ve got the cord and plug in my hand and I’m trying to put it into the wall socket in the dark. Struggling to figure out which direction the pins are supposed to go.
I can feel the frustration, it rises and almost peaks, I sigh, and remember to breathe. Taking slow deep breaths, closing my eyes and I reassure myself that it is possible.
But it takes time. It takes practice. It takes faith.
And I think having the faith and confidence that it IS all possible is the hardest thing to maintain.
At multiple points through the creative flow, the doubt slowly surfaces. The whispers of who I am to do this, be successful and all the other things we can possibly say to ourselves to bring us back down to the lower frequency where creativity is hard to maintain.
My expression becomes disjointed, distracted, and disconnected.
For me, I know I’ve blocked myself and my creative flow. Whether it was journaling, writing, drawing, or painting, it was my outlet to communicate how I was feeling, unconsciously, and through that expression I was somehow able to navigate the emotions I couldn’t consciously validate.
I’ve always allowed time for creative play. Whether there was intention behind the practice or to simply play.
Now, more than ever, I really struggle to allow myself that time. I could say it’s because now I’m a mother and I just don’t have the time, but that’s not really the truth. Not when I really consider it. Along the way, I’ve convinced myself that I’m not worthy of the time, that my time should always be spent for the betterment of my children’s and partners lives. However, what I realise now, is that a HUGE disservice to them.
When I do find the tiny snippets of time to create, it whatever means possible, I feel so much more connected and truer to myself that it shines forth from my being. I can BE present with my family and feel the value in that time. Rather than the distractedness of all the ridiculous expectations I place upon myself.
It seems bizarre to publicly acknowledge, but I suppose that’s the whole point of writing this blog is to share my thoughts. But the signs, the card readings, my spirit guides, the horoscopes continue to mention me to slow down and establish a practice and through this practice, all things I am blocking will be released.
Growing up and associating myself as being a creative individual, it is challenging to feel these creative blocks. And the intuitive knowledge, that I’ve done it to myself.
I could probably objectively say that the blocks established themselves a protector. For whatever reason along the way, perhaps it was to protect myself from judgement of others, negative comments about my achievements or even lack of achievements. It could have been to dampen this element of my nature, so my attention was forced to focus on other areas of my life.
For whatever reason it was, the blocks have given me reason to dive deeper. To search for understanding about what my protector self or adult self is trying to nurture.
I believe I’ve creative this block, as a forced lesson from source, the higher planes, universe, God, the divine, whatever you prefer to call it, to deepen my understanding what I can truly be capable of. To see what I can do to let go of my own judgement and lack of faith and confidence in my own capability.
I realise, the more I step into that faith and confidence, the more things seem to flow, to be ‘in sync’ and to fall into place. The more content I feel. The better my relationship with myself, my husband, my children, and all other people seem to be.
So, here’s to me, starting my practice of surrendering, to not stressing that I don’t have time to create, to finding peace in the moment and knowing that I can do and achieve more by doing less.
Until next time, lots of love, Sharai
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